After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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