dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it's like iHOP with fire
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
