ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
