my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
