The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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