found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
