It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
