I accidentally burped into my bong.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
