my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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