We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
