I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize