Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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