thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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