you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
