Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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