I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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