the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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