So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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