I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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