No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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