Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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