Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
