I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
