my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
