If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
