Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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