im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
