Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
