She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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