my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
