The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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