Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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