You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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