I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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