You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
