Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
