I'm jealous of your bromance
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
