none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
