toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
