just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
