8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
