I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
