Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
