i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
