well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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