My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
