I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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