I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude i'm inner monologue high
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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