I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we're making bets on your personal life
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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