I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
