I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
