I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
