OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
